Quite fitting, considering I was just talking about him...
This was in Sunday's News & Record. I cut out the last two panels, because they were no where near as funny (and true) as this one.
a list of politicians who need to leave me alone
Oh it's that time of year again. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and politicians are wasting huge sums of money sending out mailers that no one will ever read. I gave the Republican National Committee $10 three months ago; within a week, they had already spent at LEAST that much sending out more crap to convince me to give more. Sorry buds, I think you just showed me you're not that hard up for my money.
Vernon RobinsonNumber one on my list of stupid politicians that I wish would leave me alone is Vernon Robinson. Oh man... what can we say about Mr. Robinson? Let's start off with the fact that he doesn't belong in our district. The 13th district encompasses parts of Raleigh, Greensboro, and several unfortunate small Republican-majority towns that serve to make the district seem not quite so gerrymandered. Vernon Robinson is from the 5th district, but was forced out after losing the lesser of two evils contest between himself and Virginia Foxx. I'll be talking about her in just a second.
Robinson made a name for himself in 2004 with his over-the-top ads attacking fellow Republican Foxx, and because of such, he ran away with the 2006 Republican nomination for the 13th district. The people who voted for him weren't looking for a representative -- if they had been, they would have chosen someone who lives in the area and could therefore "represent" us -- and they weren't looking for someone who could beat current Representative Brad Miller. They were looking for a fight. Mr. Robinson has reduced politics to entertainment, and he's made me consider voting for Miller. In fact, the only way I won't vote for Miller is if there's a Libertarian running for the seat, in which case I am definitely voting Libertarian. I refuse to support Robinson's embarrassing search for fame.
That's what I keep reminding people. If Robinson really cared about us, he wouldn't just be hopping from district to district. He ran in the 5th district in 2004, announced that he'd be running in the 12th district until he realized Ada Fisher would be the clear winner there (she is the greatest woman ever, by the way), and only THEN did he latch on to the 13th district. Do you really think he's going to get the DC and fight for us? I don't.
The man was also known in 2004 for his absolutely annoying and non-stop phone ads. Because apparently the way to get people to vote for you is to drive them absolutely insane. And Reidsville is no exception. We received three phone calls from him all within the first week of his winning the nomination. And being that I'm the only registered evil Republican here (my parents are both Democrats and my sister is Independent), I'm the one who gets in trouble. Thanks Vernon.
Virginia FoxxI would like to enter into evidence the following documents my mother received in the mail today:
Okay, the letter isn't even the funniest part. The best part is the cut-and-paste newspaper headlines she included with it:
Okay, so she's campaigning hard, even though she knows the 5th district is in no danger of being lost to a Democrat -- if it was going to happen, 2004 would have been the year. But if you'll remember correctly, I said that my mother is a registered Democrat. In fact, she has been a registered Democrat for over 30 years now. She has never, ever been a registered Republican, nor given anything to a Republican campaign. Why would Foxx think my mother would give her money?
And you know, that's not even the weirdest thing. I mean, you read the letter, and it seems like it could be written for a Democrat that needs to be swayed. The thing that really cracked me up so much that I had to text everyone I knew was the fact that
Reidsville hasn't been in the 5th district for six years now.
The woman is either randomly mailing every voter in the state, or she's using the old district lines. Either way, I'm glad our tax dollars are being spent so well.
Nelson ColeSome of you might not know of Nelson Cole, and that's not surprising. He's one of Reidsville's State Representatives. But that isn't the reason you wouldn't know him. You wouldn't know him because he NEVER SHOWS UP to the General Assembly.
And you know, you hear that about a lot of politicians, but last week I was in Raleigh and I sat in on the House session, and Representative Cole was THE ONLY REPRESENTATIVE NOT THERE. That is sad. And embarrassing. But being that he's a Democrat, I don't expect too much more.
He sent my father something in the mail today, a card asking which issues were most important to us and how he should vote for them:
I'm trying to find room on this card for a little message I composed for Representative Cole:
"Representative Cole,
Hi, I'm the daughter of the constituent to which you sent this card. I hope you don't mind me answering, since he doesn't pay too much to politics, and I do. I couldn't help but notice that you ask us to list our most important issues in order of importance, and then how you should vote on them. I thought writing you this note would be a lesser waste of my time, and that's saying a lot. You see, I actually have to go to work for a living, unlike yourself. I don't have time to fill out silly little cards that I know you're not going to pay attention to. And even if you DID pay attention to these cards, it wouldn't do anyone a lot of good, since you actually have to show up at the General Assembly to vote for things. I just thought you'd like my fifty cents on the issues that I think are really important. I hope you lose the election. Have a nice day!
Melissa Westmoreland"
I just can't find the room on this card. I'm a little upset.
My friend Michael Moore is running against Cole this election. It's the first time a Republican has run against this guy in as long as I can remember. I hope to God he can do something.
